'Cause I can't do this alone

So Father, give me the strength
To be everything I'm called to be
Oh, Father, show me the way
To lead them
Won't You lead me?

To lead them with strong hands
To stand up when they can't
Don't want to leave them hungry for love,
Chasing things that I could give up

I'll show them I'm willing to fight
And give them the best of my life
So we can call this our home
Lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone

Father, lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone

For the past 7 years, I have always felt like I needed to be strong for everyone around me. I always feel like I need to be the shoulder to cry on, the listener, and too often I overstep my boundaries as the advisor. We have endured so much grief, pain, suffering, confusion, broken hearts, etc..., but with God, we have found healing, love, comfort, hope, passion, and ambition.

So I don't know why I still feel like I should be the protector, the counselor, the strongest.

Because, well, I am just so far from that. I am always carrying struggles for everyone else, that I forget to take care of myself. 

This week, Chad is out of town, he leaves for about a week each month for work, so I am used to it. It busies my days though, I have to get everyone up, out and to school and myself to work on time, then I have to leave early to pick them up, I have to do baths, dinner, play time, kiss boo-boos, take BOTH kids to the grocery store when we run out of milk, and etc. etc. Two full time jobs might even be an understatement.. Usually I can handle it, because part of me thinks I can run circles around most mom's my age. But this morning i woke up, and I felt exhausted. Not sick, not in pain, not even tired, I felt like my emotional energy was running on empty and I wanted so bad to call into work and just sit around with the kids. But that's not what Super Mom does, so I had to drag myself out of the house with the kids and go about my day. 

And at just the right moment, God placed this Sanctus Real song into my Pandora station. I had it set on Coldplay, and I've never heard a Christian Rock song come through that station before. But God knew I needed to hear the song and know that I should be looking to him to be strong for me. I should be trusting him to provide, and protect, and it's okay to just be still, and know. I should be begging God to guide me, and lead me. I can't do this alone. No one can, and I wouldn't even be setting a good example to the boys without being honest with my vulnerability, inabilities and  weaknesses.

Today, I am promising to lay down my pride, and let the Father lead me..

Today, I am vowing to myself, to let go, and let God.