It's the Little Feet Behind You that are Sure to Follow..

So, anyone who really knows me, knows I have a heart for Christ. 

Sometimes I feel like people mention prayer, and church, and God to get the respect of others, or to make themselves feel good about who they want to be or portray themselves to be.

Those people get on my nerves.

I was not born a follower of Christ. I was not taught at an early age who he was or what he did for us. I was not raised in church. I actually remember being told that all of it was a state of mind. 

Becoming an adult I remember telling a friend that I didn't feel like I needed God because I am already a good person and I should get to heaven for that reason.

 Little did I know what was in store for me a few months down the road, and little did I know that God was so much more than a "path to heaven." 

Summer of 2007, I lost someone very close to me. Like very close. It was so painful, and so sudden, and so confusing, but I will never forget the overwhelming feeling of something, or someone, literally covering me in peace and purpose. Don't get me wrong, this loss caused lots of suffering and lots of tears and many sleeplessness nights, but that July Jesus walked straight up to me, made me fall totally in love with him and has lead me down a path of healing and has given me reason to wake up each morning. There have been times in my walk where I have really messed up, and times where I have been respected and even sought out for advice, but at the end of each day, sinner or saint, this Miraculous God of mine has continued to love me, and bless me, strengthen me and mold me to become the person I am created to be, and to serve my purpose.

So here I am today in this "purpose" easier recognized as chaos! 

Married, with not one, but TWO toddler boys!!! 

This is where it has gotten difficult. Anyone who has children knows that there is more to them than hide and seek, spiderman, and birthday parties. 

-You actually have to feed these guys! 

-You have to wipe their butt! You have to give them baths! (and its usually with you) 

and one of the most difficult tasks, you actually have to somehow 

-convince (aka force) or bribe this child to actually sleep for an extended period of time. 

i have to admit we haven't mastered that one yet. 

That's not even half the job! Along the way we realized it actually costs our hard earned money to keep these children alive! These kids don't even clean up after themselves! Can you believe that?? How dare these children smush blue play-dough into our carpet?! 

How dare they go into the pantry and eat sugar straight out of the bag with their bare hands! 

How dare they attempt to feed the cat without supervision, and 

don't even get me started on toilets and sinks!!!! 

And yet, these precious little faces are forgiven each time. EACH time, forgiven. You must think I am some push over. You must think these kids are undisciplined. You might even think these kids are SPOILED. Well here is what I think, I think these moments are the most perfect opportunities to teach and to learn.

I may not go to church every Sunday, and I don't open my bible every day, but I do seek counsel and guidance through prayer more times a day than I can count. And throughout these moments, I pray for patience, I ask God what he wants me to gain from these little moments. Some times I am teaching the boys how to SERVE, and how to ASK for forgiveness. Sometimes I even find myself asking THEM to forgive me. But no matter what, these children are loved unconditionally, the way God loves us. And every time I get upset, frustrated, disappointed or offended, by my OWN children, it would be so much easier to just yell, cuss, spank, or lock them in a room, but I have to stop and think about how often I personally have done this to God, OUR Father, and the LOVE (not wrath) he drowned me in..

We talk to the boys about God, we read the stories, we let them know God is boss, and we remind them of the things God likes, and dislikes in our behavior. We talk about love and forgiveness and we teach them to serve others. I will never be a perfect mother, or wife, or person, but one thing I refuse to be, is a bad example. There is enough sin in the world to threaten the heart of my innocent little hearts.

Marriage and Parenthood has been the most difficult time in my walk with Christ, but also the most rewarding. I have learned a lot about what it means to truly LOVE, and to try to demonstrate perfection the way Jesus did, or to Sacrifice. 

I am eager to see what God will do with these little hearts..

Be careful little eyes what you see
It's the second glance that ties your hands as darkness pulls the strings
Be careful little feet where you go
For it's the little feet behind you that are sure to follow